Not Today.

by inside voice

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Insidevoice is a quiet place for multi-instrumentalist Josh Hawkins. "Not Today" is his self-recorded first release


released December 21, 2015

Written, recorded, and mixed by Josh Hawkins
Mastered and drum tracks on "City Burns" by Trenton Bylo at Astudio Recordings



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inside voice Saint Louis, Missouri

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Track Name: Coming Undone.
Well I contest the very notion of a clean escape. Every choice a chain reaction taken to the grave – and I think it means more that way. Because then we can’t afford to hate.
Coming undone, I feel it coming undone. Coming undone. I gotta shake it out, shake it off, shake it out.

If I’m accustomed to a constant fear am I afraid? Been treading water, scraping dollars waiting for the break. When it does you won’t breathe the same. We love and hurt in our broken ways.
Coming undone, I feel it coming undone. Coming undone. I gotta shake it out, shake it off, shake it out.

Well my second engine stops and starts. And the first went out with you. Bitter is abundant fuel, but it won’t get you through. It won’t get you through when it follows you home. It follows me home.
Coming undone, I feel it coming undone. Coming undone. I gotta shake it out, shake it off, shake it out.
Track Name: Endry.
You’re the smell of rain. You are the dawn behind the hills. You’re the whispered hope amidst a world composed of yells.
It’s time for you to go to bed. My Dear, it’s time to go to bed.

When you awake I won’t be here, but never far. There’s a piece of you in me in all I’ve done or ever do.
My Dear, it’s time to go to bed.

I’ll be giving you a chase.
Track Name: Sorry Love.
Sorry Love, looks like I’m the fool again. (I) tried my hand playing alchemist. Plenty men have died for gold. Somewhere now you are early or I’m running late. I over think unless I concentrate. Maybe you’re the same.

One day. One day, but not today.

Promise me you won’t cover up your past with grief. I’m the sky and you’re the rolling sea: always touching but we never meet.

Silver-haired. No we won’t have time for favorite chairs. You could take my body anywhere, as long as it has yours to hold.

One day. One day, but not today.
Track Name: Some Days.
We are our worst. We are the curse beneath our breath. We are the wretched things: the compromises made when fear is left. There’s no box to check. There’s no check to send – no phrase to say with our hands lifted.
Some days I wish there was.

I lost my grip. I felt it slip like it was yesterday. Some days we crawl the line. Some days we float and radiate. “It will all come back if you want it to.” “ If you can hold your breath, if you can see it through…”
Some days I’m not convinced.

There’s so much left – just cup your hope and keep it lit.
Track Name: City Burns.
The city burns tonight and we peeking under bandages. We shook the bottle. “ Twist the lid.” I hold my breath and drive, because I don’t think I can handle it. We talk so big then act like kids. Tell me there’s a me on the other side of this.

Deep inside my lungs there is dust from stale and bitter bouts. When I cough sometimes it rushes out. Beneath the scattered lights they’re getting high on gas grenades. We commentate because we’re safe.

I’ve never known shame to feed the hungry or love the shunned. I’ve been trying hard not to be a man, but a father and a son. I felt the waves on the river shore – one swollen earthen vein. The southern wind – I head it calling me. So I whispered back: “Not today.”